"Oh Yeah, About these Personal ads? WTF?"

I really wish I could take credit for this witty piece, but I can't. However, I couldn't resist posting this, as my sister and I literally laughed for 5 minutes straight (and I almost shot beer out of my nose). "Best of" on Craigslist makes some pretty great reading for a late Sunday night.

I love going through the personals, but there are a few things that are getting on my nerves.
There are certain things that the vast majority of people put into their personals that are just plain stupid. Mostly I'm talking about the women, cuz I don't read the guys very often, unless I'm very bored. But let's go through some of these idiocies....

1. I like to have fun
This is the dumbest thing you can say in your personal. It's sort of like saying, "I see things with my eyes". The whole point of fun, is that you like it. There isn't a person on the face of the planet that will admit that they don't like to have fun. That's not exactly an amazing trait to be listing. In fact, when ever I read that I pretty much assume that the poster has the intelligence of your standard sorority barbie doll, plastic head and all.

2. I don't like guys who play games
I don't think that the men who do play games, would rarely acknowledge that they play games. Hell, most of them probably don't even realize they're doing it when they are. And maybe I just don't read the guys' personals enough, but I very much doubt you're going to find anyone that says, "I like to play games, and am looking to fuck with someone's head". It's one of those crap-shoots that everyone has to ante into when you do the online dating thing. Sort of like when you go to meet someone who hasn't sent you a picture, and you're really hoping that half their head hasn't been taken over by a giant mole. You just never know until you meet the person.

3. No Bush Supporters Please
I'm no fan of Bush either, but some of my good friends voted for him. That doesn't make them inbred retards or horrible people. I can understand that personal politics can be a big issue for some people, but it's not for everyone. By playing the anti-bush card you immediately remove half of your possiblities, and then alienate even more who may not support Bush, but couldn't give a rats ass about politics, politicians, and the people who's lives revolve around pointing out the injustices of the powers that be. You might as well say "My ideal first date includes protesting and civil disobedience".

4. I'm looking for a good Christian who loves Jesus
Have you ever noticed Christians are the only people who make demands that their dates be of the same faith as they are? Seriously. Look around. You'll never find ads that say "Must be Athiest", "Buddhists Only Please", or "Looking for a nice Hindu fella". While this irks me in someway, it's also kinda nice. It plants a big billboard on your personal that screams "I'M A JESUS FREAK". Which to many of us reads as "WARNING: Poster has a loose grip on reality and a limited conversational repertoire. Proceed with great caution!"

5. I've got pictures on my website
No you don't. You have pictures of someone on your website, but it's not you because you're a guy! That's right. I can see through your ruse. You run a porn/model site and you're trying to generate hits. If you were a woman posting a personal, who had also created your own website with pictures of yourself on it, then you would know how to post your picture with your personal. You might fool most people, but you don't fool me!

6. I'm 18 and....
Okay stop right there. You're 18 and you're already resorting to personal ads? Jesus, give the dating scene a change to crush your hopes before automatically resorting to the personals. I don't care how grown up you think you are. If you're 18 you don't have enough life experience to bitch and moan about how hard it is to find the right person. You haven't been trying hard enough. Besides, most of the men who respond to 18 year olds are gonna be 40+, and you don't want to go there.

7. I like to go out somtimes, but I also like to stay in
So you're telling me that sometimes you leave your apartment, and somtimes you don't. That's incredible because that's what EVERYONE ELSE DOES! The frequency varies from person to person, but everyone goes out sometimes, and stays home other times. Is this really worth making mention of? If you're a hermit that never goes out, that might be worth noting. If you're a wild drunken party animal that goes out every single night, that too may be worth mentioning. But making the above statment just tells me that you're trying really hard to sound normal, which leads me to believe that you're not.

8. BBW's without pictures.
Oh man...good luck. Seriously. If you consider yourself a Big Beautiful Woman, you'd better be able to back it up. I am of the belief that big women can be beautiful. But I, like most men, am not attracted to over weight people. I'm rather thin myself, and if you're 6 inches shorter than me, and 100lbs more than me, I'm probably not going to be feeling the sparks. Being big does not necessarily denote that you are beautiful as well. But if you are (or at least think you are) you might wanna post a picture to prove it to the world. Otherwise 99% of the guys are gonna skip right over your message in search of someone more appropriately proportioned.

9. SWF, SWM, NSA, BBW, HWP, PVP, ETC
When you start using acronyms in your personals, you've been doing the personals thing for too long. When I temped at an office, you could tell who'd been there forever because they had abbreviations for everything, that you only understood once you'd been there for a few years. I think the same thing applies to the personals. You don't want to be that person, and I sure as hell don't wanna date that person.

10. Hi! My name is Bethany and I'm 22. If you're interested write me.
What's there to be interested in? You're giving us nothing but your name and age. I can't say that I'm overly impressed. Maybe if you're posting this in the Casual Encounters with a picture of yourself in some frilly lingerie, then maybe you could get away with that. But if you're looking for a date to meet up with at a coffee shop, you're gonna have to put down a little more than your name and age. If I'm supposed to try and talk to you for an hour or two over a cup of joe, I would hope that you can say more than "Hi! I'm Bethany! I'm 22!". Because as it stands now, I'd be surprised if you could tell me the time off a digital watch.

If you're posting a personal ad, try and put a little thought into it. Read through it when you're done and see if it sounds like you, or if it sounds like everyone you've ever met. Make yourself sound unique and present qualities about yourself that most other people don't have. What makes you special? If you like to have fun, you're not special...you're short bus special.